Inside My Head
May 31, 2026
Welcome to another edition of Inside My Head, where I give you a snapshot into the chaos of my brain.
Each week I’ll share a story a spiral and a moment of honesty as well as occasional photo’s and any other nonsense my brain throws into the mix.
Enjoy the ride!
Admin (fun)
Just a quick update to let you know featured writing entries are now closed. I will be including a handful of my favourite submissions in next week’s column, so stay tuned for that!
Short and sweet. Let’s go.
The Spiral
This whole day has felt like beer.
We don’t do that anymore, remember?
Yes. I’m aware thanks.
I am not going to drink.
But it’s 25 degrees. It’s a bank holiday.
It absolutely stinks of a beer day.
How upset with yourself would you be if you drank?
I am not going to drink.
I said it feels like beer.
I’m just making sure.
I’m not enjoying this.
It really feels like a beer day.
I can feel the adrenaline in my finger tips.
My body remembers.
It’s uncomfortable but it will pass. You don’t need a drink.
I am not going to drink.
I just feel so tight.
The walls are closing in a bit.
Just breathe. It will pass. It always passes.
My body hurts.
I hate this.
I know. But you can move through it without beer.
I am not going to drink.
Two things can be true at once. It feels like a beer day and you know you’re not going to drink. Get out of the bloody house and change your state.
The Story
And so I did…
I got changed, put my sunglasses on and stepped out into the real world for a bit.
I paid attention to the sun warming my skin.
To the way the sunlight made colours appear more vividly.
I took deep breaths.
I thought “what would a rational human do here?”.
I headed for iced coffee.
I sat outside the coffee shop in the morning sunlight.
Paying attention to the way people move slower at this time of day.
No need for urgency.
There may have been selfies. We won’t dwell on that…
A football podcast.
My body exhaled.
It asked me for the park.
My legs followed.
Slow. Purposeful. Calm.
I observed the smell of the grass and the trees as the park opened up around me.
To the water.
After a wee. It was a large iced coffee.
I turned the noise cancellation off.
I turned the music off.
I said good morning to people as they walked by.
We shared smiles.
The water brought me stillness.
Two hours earlier, I was desperate for escape.
Now I was grateful to be home.
I was never going to drink.
The Honest Bit
I thought I was going to feel euphoric when I arrived at the moment.
For two weeks, I had been visualising this.
While I was existing in the living room for a week on solo Nala duty, I closed my eyes and pictured it.
While my body ached as I spent far too much time travelling for one work week. I held on to it like a diamond.
Two weeks off is coming.
And then I closed my laptop.
And I was still me.
And me was exhausted.
Like - Really. Fucking. Exhausted.
I expected my William Wallace moment.
Instead I crumpled into the couch and defiantly ordered milkshake.
It hit me as I sat refreshing the Just Eat app.
I can’t really control how I’m going to feel in moments.
But I can create environments I feel good in a little more often.
With that in mind, I booked an overnight stay in Llandudno.
So I had climbed the mountain.
An intense couple of weeks at work and some solo dog duty. But this is MY column. Shut up.
And it didn’t feel like euphoria.
But I will be by the sea in a few days time.
That sounds nice.
Brain Debris
My whole body remembered beer.
When in doubt, look to dairy based treats.
We had a heatwave and I stayed sober. Pretty cool.
I’m really excited for a few days by the sea. I picture feeling like a real writer. I’ll probably just stare at water and think “I’m okay actually”.
Wearing smart clothes in 27 degree heat would be a very efficient method of torture.
I went headphone free multiple times this week. Not to boast.
Nala really likes carrots.
Annual leave actually begins at 4:30am the following day. But you don’t get paid for that.
I like to think I’m complex. But really if you give me sunglasses and iced coffee I’ll do anything for you.
The Visuals
Final Thought
I expected relief to arrive like an adrenaline rush this week.
Instead, I found it in water, sunlight and iced coffee.
Room to breathe.
Turns out, it’s quite simple really.
Tom x
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