Inside My Head

April 25, 2026

Welcome to another edition of Inside My Head, where I give you a snapshot into the chaos of my brain.

Each week I’ll share a story a spiral and a moment of honesty as well as occasional photo’s and any other nonsense my brain throws into the mix.

Enjoy the ride!

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Admin (Sorry)

Just a quick update this week to let you know submissions for next month’s featured writers are open now!

If you’ve written something you’re proud of, I’d love to read it. I’ll choose a few of my favourites to include in a column next month. You can submit entries via this note.

Now to the good stuff.

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The Spiral

How early is it today?

4:20am.

Fuck.

That’s us awake for the day then.

You’ve slept for 7 hours. You’ll be okay.

Same as every other day. Don’t be dramatic.

But I just want to make it to five one morning.

It’s just a bit early. Start slow. You’ll be fine

Fine??? Have you been living the same life as me? This dog is driving me crazy.

She’s been through a lot. It’s just a difficult period.

You’re awake now. Might as well get up.

I liked it better before I could tell us apart.

He may be blunt. But he’s right. Make yourself a coffee. You can do this.

It’s hard. I’m tired. I want a day off from real life.

Don’t we all chief. We have to manage you every day.

What the fuck?

Ignore him. She flops at 6pm. Just get there and you can rest.

FINE.

You guys are the worst.

But you’re starting to level out quicker because of us.

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The Story

It was finally Friday.

And, the sun had made its first solid appearance of the year.

18 degrees, no clouds, no wind. Glorious.

Nala’s hormones have been all over the place since she was spayed. It has been… challenging.

The calm natured dog I thought I’d helped to build has been replaced by a bully.

Zoomies, snatching at things, trying to nip people. Who is this?

After yet another vet visit (allergies, she’s fine), I had one of my “I really need to escape before I’m a nightmare for everybody” moments.

So, the decision was made that I would go and try myself to a nice solo tea in the sun.

I was very excited for the first shorts outing of the year. I put my sunglasses on and off I went.

And then it hit me.

You can have one.

Where did you come from?!

I’m approaching eight months sober now.

The worst urge I’ve had in that time was a ten minute window on Boxing Day when I went to play pool with my brother. I talked myself out of it really quickly.

This was something else entirely.

I shooed it away as soon as I felt it.

But it didn’t quit.

As I sat and ate my food, it took its chance to rise again.

You’re a sober vegetarian. Have a little fun.

What’s a couple of pints between friends.

Don’t be such a tedious human.

You can have three or four pints. You’ll be fine.

I clicked Guinness 0.0.

Breathe in.

Hold.

Breathe Out.

Okay, we’re good.

And then the pub filled up.

And the walls closed in again.

Okay, let’s sit outside.

Nobody needs to know. Just have a fucking beer. You deserve it.

I clicked Guinness 0.0 again.

WHY ARE YOU SO BORING.

You never have any fun.

I can't be here. Let’s go home.

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The Honest Bit

I’ve realised how dangerous tiredness is for me this week.

I’ve constantly felt like a failure, even though objectively, I have handled everything I needed to handle.

When my defences are down, my demons are louder.

But they’re not winning as often anymore.

I’m in the thick of it right now.

Work is back in full swing.

Nala is chaos.

I haven’t slept properly in a month.

I’m SO tired.

And sometimes I feel like shit.

And that’s okay.

It won’t be like this forever.

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Brain Debris

• A mobility session helped my body feel better. I was furious. I’ll have to do it again.

• I was so tired this week that I worried less about work.

• How long do frogs live?

• I think my head is now too small for my sunglasses. Weight loss isn’t always glamorous.

• You can’t take sobriety for granted.

• I love my dog but I don’t always like her.

• Sometimes a little bit of chocolate will save your life.

• I wish I’d have started writing again before I was 33.

• Two more work outs this week. Body hasn't given up.

• Hot guy definitely incoming.

• As long as hot guys can eat cheese and chocolate.

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The Visuals

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Final Thought

I think things are going to work out.

Despite the chaos, I can see the signs I’m starting to regulate better.

Let’s see how long this feeling lasts eh?

Tom x