Inside My Head
May 10, 2026
Welcome to another edition of Inside My Head, where I give you a snapshot into the chaos of my brain.
Each week I’ll share a story a spiral and a moment of honesty as well as occasional photo’s and any other nonsense my brain throws into the mix.
Enjoy the ride!
Admin (Sorry)
Submissions for next month’s featured writers are still open!
If you’ve written something you’re proud of, I’d love to read it. I’ll choose a few of my favourites to include in a column next month. You can submit entries via this note.This week’s column follows a breakthrough moment I had last weekend. I wrote about that here, if you’d like to read it.
Let’s do this.
The Spiral
Why do I feel okay?
What’s happening here.
That would usually have been a lot harder.
That was a normal day at work, Tom. It’s okay. You’re safe.
That’s cute. There will be something. There’s always something.
You’re allowed to sit in the calm. Just go with it.
So nothing is coming?
NO. Nothing is coming. Just sit and relax for crying out loud.
But what if it doesn’t last.
That doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy it.
This is… weird.
This is what it’s like when you stop waiting for life to explode. Idiot.
Okay, so you’re still kind.
He can be rude. But you need him.
The Story
I went to a comedy show with my brother last weekend. Tom Davis at the Philharmonic Hall in Liverpool.
But that’s not important.
I experienced a different way of existing.
After my ‘None of This Is Real’ moment, my body was totally alien to me.
So. Little. Tension.
I was looking in the mirror getting ready and I didn’t immediately wince at my own reflection.
I heard myself think “I actually look alright” when I tried on my new jacket.
What is this?
I sat on the train, not constantly scanning other passengers for potential danger, but laughing with my brother and actually feeling it.
My body felt lighter.
I felt safe.
I ate pub food. I ate ice cream.
I didn’t feel guilty.
What the hell is happening here?
I laughed so hard I cried.
I had a fucking great time.
Wait. Are we allowed to say that?
And then I went home and fell asleep thinking…
“Wow. I actually let myself enjoy that”.
The Honest Bit
I didn’t realise how much tension I was carrying until it stopped.
My body dropped so much.
So quickly.
It’s quite an overwhelming feeling to get your head around.
So, that’s what it feels like when I stop bracing?
And I think it’s continued through the week.
My mum pointed something out to me that really stuck with me.
She told me she noticed my laugh was different.
I think she just wanted to bring up her well timed joke again.
But I instinctively knew what she meant.
It’s more playful.
I’m not getting as far away from myself when I start to feel the walls close in.
It’s been a real ride.
I absolutely broke my heart about Mika again one afternoon.
She always finds a way through.
I’ve lost my thread here. It’s been one of those weeks.
But I guess the point is this…
I’ve finally felt what happens when you just stop the fighting a little bit.
Brain Debris
Sleep is still real bad.
I said the words “poo bag mountain” this morning. Dog life!
My body felt better for a few days.
I dyed my beard and I don’t hate it.
Nala ruined tea after I’d been in work all day. That wasn’t fun.
I ordered iced matcha. I am sober, vegetarian, iced matcha drinker. Maybe house plants next?
I haven’t really known how to act since my nervous system unclenched.
I had to buy a smaller belt and I was surprised when my pants fit better.
I wore a denim jacket in a small and I felt like an alien.
Ice cream tastes good without guilt.
Grief will still show up when you give it space.
But that’s the cost of love and I’d pay it every time.
I remembered playful laughter.
I hit 8 months sober.
If you ever take anything from me then I hope it’s this. Never give up on yourself.
I sort of understand why people enjoy things now.
The Visuals
Final Thought
This week I remember what it feels like to enjoy being me.
I missed him
Tom x
I love that you are reconnecting with yourself! Such a beautiful space to be embracing, matcha and all! 😉