Inside My Head
April 5, 2026
Welcome to another edition of Inside My Head, where I give you a snapshot into the chaos of my brain.
Each week I’ll share a story a spiral and a moment of honesty as well as occasional photo’s and any other nonsense my brain throws into the mix.
Enjoy the ride!
Admin (Sorry)
Inside Your Head is coming. I hope it will be ready this week. Stay tuned for more updates.
Featured writing is still open for submissions. If you have written something you're passionate about, I’d love to read it. They can be submitted here.
Let’s get cracking shall we…
The Spiral
It was 5am when my eyes shot open.
Which unfortunately is normal for me.
But, where am I?
Okay. This is the couch. Also not weird for me.
So what is this sinking feeling?
Flashes. Short and sharp.
Is that a drink?
Oh god.
Please no.
And with your brother????
What have you done.
Okay breathe.
But I’ve ruined everything.
Oh god, Tom. Oh god. Oh god.
Breathe.
Wait…
I don’t recognise that place.
I would never drink gin.
Who are those people?
Breathe.
It was just a dream.
But it feels so real.
My heart hurts.
I’ve let everybody down.
It was just a dream.
Breathe.
Okay.
It wasn't real.
But my body hadn’t caught up with logic.
My heart slowly raised from my stomach.
I’m still me.
It was just a dream…
The Story
The best thing I’ve ever done in my life is fall in love with dogs.
But this has been a week where it’s hurt to love so deeply.
Nala got spayed on Monday.
A necessary procedure given her history.
The right thing to do.
But it hasn’t felt like that.
On Monday, I thought I’d battled through the worst of it…
I hadn’t been in a taxi with a dog since the day I said goodbye to Mika.
I went to the vets in a taxi and only one of us came home that day.
I hadn’t been able to face that fear since.
But Nala needed me.
So I did what I had to do.
She was home by mid afternoon.
Dazed. Feeling a little sorry for herself. But safe.
And then Wednesday night came.
At 1am, I surfaced slightly.
Then I sat bolt upright.
She’s in pain…
I ran downstairs and she was yelping. Desperately trying to escape her crate.
Panic rose like fire through my mind.
I steadied. Fighting back against the overwhelm.
And then I asked for help.
At 2:30am, my Mum had managed to calm her down as I answered a video call from the vet.
We did some checks.
She was okay.
I could breathe again.
By 4am, I was officially designated ‘dog pillow’ and Nala (and her cone) started snoring on my legs.
The most beautiful sound.
The Honest Bit
Before I started writing, I thought this week was about panic.
I was wrong.
And I don’t trust it.
I’m starting to function better.
I’ve been scared. Sleep deprived. Sore.
And I’ve done everything I needed to do.
The first guy feels more real to me.
The second is somebody I don’t recognise.
Brain Debris
My brother told me I look “well slim”.
4 nights on the at 34 does not help your back.
My sobriety is very important to me.
Dogs are hard work.
Today has felt “fine”. My brain doesn’t really know how to handle fine. Where are the extremes?
There will be better weeks ahead.
Paradise is a great TV show.
My sweet tooth is getting out of hand.
Good people show up when you need them.
I need to remember its okay to ask for help.
The Visuals
They’re all Nala this week. I’m not sorry.
Final Thought
One week soon, I’ll feel more normal. For now? I just dream of a decent nights sleep.
Whose idea was it to get another dog…
Tom
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